Finding your place in the world is often a process of trial and error, living by your own needs and expectations, but what if it isn’t enough? What if you already have a place in the world, but you never knew it? It can be distressing to some because the trials and errors weren’t in their favor. Poor decisions and excuses cause grief and a constant icky feeling on the inside, which are unfortunately all a part of being human. The fun part is realizing and feeling you are exactly where you are supposed to be. It’s an exciting world beyond the concepts of media and negativity, but it’s just findingit. Finding yourself in the place and space you are supposed to be gives you access to more than you can ever imagine.
That is actually where I feel I am in my life at this very moment. August 27th, I will be thirty-three years old under the waxing crescent moon, soon nearing the Autumn Equinox. Nevertheless, I have experienced so many energies the past month or so, and it has brought up many questions, but those with no answers thus far. I have been wanting to write more than I have been, but life does get busy, and it’s slightly difficult to get the brain power when it’s exhausted. I work-full time at a cute little tobacco store, “smoke shop” as some call it, and the shifts are pretty much all day. I do get breaks, of course, but lately there has just been so much going on between home, health, animals, and planning this glorious business.
Home Life
Home life has been rather hectic lately due to many renovations that need to be done. Short story long, my handsome now fiancé moved into our trailer home in 2023, and unfortunately, due to old age, the previous owners didn’t keep up with the home’s demands.
Beforehand, I left a toxic relationship and moved out, and was only able to find someone willing to give up their space for a little bit. It was an old convenience store that had a fridge, sink, and toilet, and my mother let me use her shower and do my laundry when needed, since she wasn’t so far away. I have 2 dogs and 4 cats, and no rent allows pets and was very difficult. I met my now fiancé, and he began staying with me and eventually just moved in due to other personal matters. By the year, we were getting evicted because the owner was going through major health issues and needed their space back, which was okay. Unfortunately for me, though, during all this, my credit score dropped incredibly, and I was unable to buy a house.
As the time was coming, I was getting incredibly nervous, breaking down because I just could not find a home, one that would let me keep my animals. The days were looking like the possibility of homelessness was in the cards, and I was incredibly heartbroken. A very sad and upsetting day came along when my stepfather’s father passed away in his sleep. A cute, little old Frenchman with the attitude of a bull left the world, and it was extremely saddening. After the home was cleared out, my stepfather offered my fiancé and me a rent-to-own deal at an amazing price, and now we are almost done paying it off, and things are beginning to settle in place.
It was an incoming light, and we were very and still are thankful that things fell into place the way they did with unfortunate timings. With that being said, there are many things that need to be fixed, replaced, and so on and so forth. I’m sure many of you can agree on the amount of time that is spent on planning, price checking, and finding the ideal time to actually do what needs to be done. I know for certain, though, once it is all done, it will be magical.
Plant Life
Plant life has been blossoming like always! I do have some projects planned and new plants to start, which I cannot wait to share. There are grow kits that I have purchased, I have been planning on starting, documenting, and reviewing, but I need to find the time to set up my little grow “room” I have going on in my office. Finding the time and materials are what has been tampering with my plans (with so much more), but I know it will certainly be done by the end of fall. Which also means I need to repot some of the plants I have outside to keep indoors during winter.
I currently have ginger roots sprouting and am still trying to find time in a day to process and plant the ginger, document, and write a post. I do have some days off coming, and the ginger planting is certainly in the cards! Thinking about it, it’s kind of comical… a ginger planting ginger!
On a lesser fun note, I have been battling with gnats in my houseplants for the past month. I do believe I have minimized the amount of gnats by doing my usual upkeep on pest repellents. This is something that I will do in future post on what is used and what I do, and has worked phenomenally for me. Let me just say this: diatomaceous earth is a miracle worker!
Work Life
When I began working at the smoke shop, my manager said one thing to me that just stuck: “Work to live, not live to work.” Everyone has to make a living one way or another; some work to make ends meet, and some just love to work. But it is important for me personally to enjoy the life I am living and make the most of it. Keep in mind, though, that working to live doesn’t mean a terrible work ethic.
It certainly is rather stressful to begin a business around plants with a mix of spirituality, where your expectations are high and so are the competitors. I have had a thought that if I want to work to live, why basically turn it into “live to work”? Doing what you love isn’t work; doing something that is tightly incorporated into your life to make a living is worth the energy.
Starting and learning a blog and building a business can be stressful, but that’s okay! What is to be, will be!
Animal Life
Life with animals is never boring, especially when it comes to the unexpected. Forgetting an egg or “two” in the chicken coop, and suddenly we have a baby chick running around. Luckily, the hen was on top of the protection game and didn’t let any other chicken near it, which gave me hope that it would make it. Upon further and deeper inspection with the coop, we found a few more chicks, but unfortunately, we were too late for them. It’s difficult when you are an extreme animal lover and harm comes to the animals you love. Regrettably, with chickens and chicks, anything is possible, and sometimes the inevitable is inevitable.
Camo, one of my oldest cats, began urinating blood around the house. Luckily I was able to get her into the vet that Tuesday morning. Regardless, I was going to make an appointment the morning I called due to Camo drinking a lot more water than usual and lost a noticeable amount of weight. Because of my four-year experience of veterinarian technician work, I knew that something was certainly wrong. I was right, but not what I was expecting to be honest. She was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and will need medication for the rest of her life, better than my initial thought, which was diabetes.
Camo is one of two cats I have had since I was eighteen, which they are now 14 years old! Her brother/littermate, Muss (which should be spelled “Mous” but “Muss” just stuck.) If you are curious, “Mous” is a French Acadian word for “lint”. Anyway, since they are getting up there in age, I have been wary and thinking a lot about their inevitable passing, which is always hard. When I was a vet tech, I assisted in many euthanasias, but it is always different when it is your own pet. I have two other cats: Bugs Bunny “Bun” and Baby Beans “Beans”. I adopted Beans when I was still working as a vet tech; he was the last of his litter to be adopted because he had a congenital heart murmur. Unfortunately, typically, congenital heart murmurs in cats can shorten their lifespan greatly. I know the inevitable is inevitable, and that’s why I am determined to continue giving all my animals the best lives possible.
Health Life
Personal mental health issues are getting better, but 100x better than what I used to endure. I haven’t had a deep depressive episode in years, and my anxiety has been at bay for the most part. I do say “most part” because I have entered my last ween-off dosage of my antidepressants that I have been on for far too long. As expected, my emotions are everywhere, causing some anxiety, but not very severe.
There comes a time in almost everyone’s lives where they are noticeably getting older and a lot of health questions, life-goal indescrepencies (sort of like a midlife crisis, but not entirely). Which is causing me some distress and foreboding. Thankfully, my spiritual path has been helping me tremendously, especially through my meditations.
Other than mental health, though, I am currently awaiting a surgical visit to receive an endoscopy to determine if I have a stomach ulcer or not. Stress and previous ingestion habits are certainly to blame! Slowly though, I am feeling a lot better than I have been weeks prior. I am currently in and out of doctor’s appointments due to elevated liver enzymes and high cholesterol – (which we are trying to determine if it is genetic.) With that being said, I have been going pretty “hard” with my research, dropping all foods and drinks that are terrible and mostly dropping sugar.
At the end of each day, I am thankful I experienced the day I had, even if it was good or bad. My practices are stronger than ever, and I am having many breakthroughs during my meditation sessions.
Sober Living
Even though there are days when I just want to have a drink, I fight that urge, and it has been fairly easy, especially when I am stressed. Ironically! For me personally, I know that if I have a drink when I’m stressed, my mental health will spiral into pure chaos and anxiety, and I certainly don’t want to feel any worse than the “normal” stress and anxiety. What has been difficult, though, on the nice hot summer days, you just want to sit around a fire and have a nice cold beer or any alcoholic beverage, and just enjoy the day. I can’t do that, but that’s okay!
My drinking was out of control in my early, mid-to-late twenties, which caused many mental health issues and a bout of serotonin syndrome. When I turned thirty, I was still drinking but not as much and a lot more responsible, but I knew it still wasn’t good for me. Alcoholism runs deep in my family, and that burden has been shameful to say the least. Not ashamed of my family, but ashamed that I picked up the habit in high school, not knowing the detrimental effects I would soon be burdened with.
When the year 2024 turned right into 2025, I stopped. Call it a New Year’s resolution if you will, but it didn’t really feellike a resolution. I just didn’t like drinking anymore, at all. It was causing me to have severe anxiety and panic attacks, and I just started not to like the “drunk” feeling anymore. This is also where I began having oppressive health anxiety, which slowly decimated my urge to drink.
Looking back at that experience with my transition from beginning to despise alcohol, I believe subconsciously, my body was telling me something was wrong. My spirit guides were giving subtle hints, but I just was not seeing it at the time. Five months into my sobriety, I found out about my liver enzymes, and right then, I just knew why I experienced what I did.
Sober living has been getting easier and easier as the days go on, and I haven’t really had the urge to drink. My brain has been working at optimal capacity, less brain fog with less anxiety, and clearer thinking. And with that, my channeling has been stronger and my visions have been clearer, and just that alone, I never want to touch alcohol again! My third eye has even decalcifying and opening more now than ever before, and it is certainly amazing!
Signing Off
I am a firm believer that every single thing happens for a reason, even if you don’t know what the reasons are at that moment in time. Mundane living is not a burden, but a gift that should be cherished on this Earth, in a lifetime. Without rain, there are no flowers to bloom and blossom, so take the time to remember all the good and the bad. Remembering some of the bad may help you become stronger, and while looking back, knowing that you have made it out alive and are here today. All the challenges life has to offer happened for reasons to teach you and make you a stronger, authentic being, and you wouldn’t be who and where you are now if it weren’t for those exact struggles.
When you have that feeling that you are where you are supposed to be, hang on to that because that is your ticket to a life of blessings and tranquility. Never lose hope because we are all here for a reason, and that reason is sometimes a beautiful mystery.
Blessed Be!
